i was rollin on her like bob the builder
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
