he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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