I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
