Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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