all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
