She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I die, sorry about rent.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
