I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
