The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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