We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
