just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
