i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
