Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
