Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
