you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
