A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
