I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
