Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
