so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
