I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
