my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
