i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stole a fireplace last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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