I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
