Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
