Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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