He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
