I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
