I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
