I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I want is dick and wine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
