Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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