Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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