How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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