my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
