He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
