I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
