He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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