im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
