If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
