I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
