Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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