remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
