It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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