Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
