dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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