apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
