I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
