its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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