There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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