Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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