Umm I'm too high to move.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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