Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
