So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
