I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
