he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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