just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
