I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
