how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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