Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
