you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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