I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
