Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
