This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
