New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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