please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
