planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
