Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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