Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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