Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
