Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
nutella sex= disaster
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
