Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
