Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
