i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
