Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
